He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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