I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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