Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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