Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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