you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
