Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
