but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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