so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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