OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
