so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
