i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
