I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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