so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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