My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i think my cat just said my name.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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