You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
