Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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