butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
