It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
