maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
