I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
