I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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