just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Are we still banned from the library?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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