If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
