if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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