He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
