Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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