you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
