somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
