Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
