mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
