Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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