He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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