matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
