I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
