shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
