u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
