That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
