I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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