At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
