so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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