I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
