summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
