$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
