What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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