They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
