Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
