you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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