the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
