..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
