I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
