dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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