Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
