just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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