Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The uberlube is also flammable
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
