He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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