it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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