He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
