Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
