I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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