shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
