how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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