Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
