I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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