im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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