I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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