I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think people are normalizing furries
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
