Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
